


when I'm alone with you

by RavingRaven



Series: NSFW Victuuri Week Fics [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Katsuki Yuuri, Day 4: Free, Day 7: Positions, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, M/M, Riding, Smut, Top Victor Nikiforov, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, past dubious consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-02 12:20:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11509314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavingRaven/pseuds/RavingRaven
Summary: Viktor was the first time he had ever felt Eros. There was no love in that with him. It’s not like Yuuri was the inexperienced fumbling virgin Viktor probably thought he was. In fact, he had been used. Once, he had been so roughly fucked that he had to make up a lame excuse to Celestino because he couldn’t even walk much less skate. Yuuri was dirty. He’s had sex before. Not Eros, though. Never Eros. There had been no love involved. Was it selfish for him to ask Viktor, his own fiancé to have sex with him when he was so tainted? But… Viktor made him believe in himself, made him feel worthy of being loved, and made him feel wanted. Not a burden for once. He wanted, no, needed Viktor to ravish him so thoroughly that he would forget his name and only think of his darling Viktor.Tl;dr Yuuri had been stuck in an unhealthy relationship but was too scared of being abandoned, so he never complained until that person left him eventually. He wants Viktor to wash those memories away by having sex.





	1. Chapter 1

 

_Yuuri buried his face in the pillow, tears streaming down his face as he bit down on it. He knew that if he opened his mouth, then he might beg for it either to stop or for more. He didn’t know.  He let out a strangled moan, the sound muffled by the pillow as another thrust split his tight hole open again and again and again._

_He wanted it to stop, but he was afraid. So afraid. Yuuri  knew that he was the lucky one. He was fortunate the other wouldn’t leave him even when he was an anxious mess, a failure of a skater and person, and a clingy hookup._

_“You like that, slut?” his partner grunted as he fucked into him._

_Yuuri tried to reply, to respond to the dirty talk, but could not formulate a response with the burst of pain that came with the thrust._

_He had not been stretched enough. His partner was inconsiderate, fucking him carelessly and thinking only of his own pleasure._

_He whimpered. He couldn’t speak, more tears slipping past his eyes._

_This isn’t what he’d expected his first time to be. Yuuri hadn’t expected the idyllic dimly lit room, rose petals on the floor, and scented candles, yet he had thought the other would be more considerate, more caring, and more loving even if only in the touches._

_Not this. Never this._

_His hole clenched and a needy whine slipped past his throat as the thick cock brushed against that spot inside him. The other noticed and ground against it. His hole clenched every time it slipped out as if trying to keep the thing driving into him without care inside._

_It hurt. It hurt so much. The pleasure was muted, but his body was also betraying him. His muscles stretched and clenched around like it was something he needed and craved._

_Yuuri marveled at the how he felt so filled, too filled and so achingly empty at the same time._

_There was no love in this._

“You’re so beautiful, lyubov moya,” Viktor breathed, staring at his naked body with such awe and reverence it made Yuuri think his flawed body was worthy of such praise for a moment.

Even if it really wasn’t. Not to Yuuri’s eyes anyway.  He would rove an assessing gaze over his body in the mirror once in a while and feel bad at how imperfect it was. The lean, toned muscles of his body just made his stretch marks, physical reminders of his own weakness more noticeable in their contrast. His hips and thighs would remain plush even at the peak of fitness. Faded bruises and scars were mementos of how ungraceful he could be on the very ice he danced on.

And yet, Viktor looked at him so lovingly as if he was perfect. Even now, he was caressing his body with such tenderness. Hands gently wandered all over his body like it was a prized possession. It made Yuuri’s heart ache and made him want to cry at how much Viktor loved him so, and how he loved Viktor back.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this, “ Viktor said as he slipped his hands lower, cupping a thick thigh.

“You were so close already, but I couldn’t touch you the way I wanted to back in Hasetsu.”

Yuuri blushed, looking away.

He did not know how Viktor could say such things with a sincere expression and a loving look in his beautiful blue eyes.

“I want to make love to you, my Yuuri.”

Viktor cupped his face, making him look straight at him and then kissed Yuuri’s stunned face.

“Yuuri was so lovely,” Viktor thought, awestruck.

His body was freshly bathed and fragrant. Droplets of water clung to his skin, making him glimmer under the fluorescent lights of their shared bedroom. Dark hair was mussed and damp.

He wanted to make love to his fiancé so bad, and he practically blurted it out then kissed him.

Now those bright brown eyes that had been gleaming at him looked down. Yuuri’s body became tense at his declaration. The soft pliant way that Yuuri responded to his gentle touches diminished, and his body language drew away from Viktor now.

Had he moved too fast for his lover? He did not know the extent of Yuuri’s experience. Judging by his innocent and usually flustered manner, he would say that Yuuri was relatively inexperienced, but then again, he was also talking about the man who shockingly pole danced and had such sex appeal that it made feel weak in the knees.

“Is it too fast, darling? I’m sorry,” Viktor tried to amend.

His fiancé had many layers to him, and he never failed to surprise Viktor. He worried for a moment that he had upset or disappointed Yuuri, but then his lover looked up. He was staring at Viktor with suspiciously wet eyes while his shoulders were shaking slightly.

Yuuri clenched and unclenched his fingers, fidgeting with the expensive silky sheets.

Yuuri was speechless. He didn’t know what to say at first after Viktor had spoken. He wanted to show Viktor his love in the most intimate way possible that lovers usually did, but he was stricken by the anxiety that still plagued his mind.

Would Viktor leave after they had sex? Would Viktor leave if they didn’t have sex?

Yuuri knew that was a very stupid assumption. Viktor loved him as much as figure skating was a sport. It was a fact of indisputability, but his anxiety tainted his thoughts like a incurable plague. He was confused, puzzled. He honestly didn’t know what to do. Viktor was very attractive, and he wanted to, he really wanted to also sleep with him.

But he was afraid, anxious.

Viktor  was the first time he had ever felt true Eros.  It had never been like that with anyone. He may have had sex but there had been no true feelings involved. He’d just been something to use, a convenient hole to fuck and in exchange, the other had stayed close to him even for a little while. There was no love in that with  _him._ There had never been something like love in his sexual experiences. It was all different when it came to Viktor. He loved Viktor deeply. He was the only one he had ever loved and wanted to bare himself in that act of intimacy that was sex with him willingly.

Also, it’s not like Yuuri was the inexperienced fumbling virgin Viktor probably thought he was. In fact, he had been used. Once, he had been so roughly fucked that he had to make up a lame excuse to everyone because he couldn’t even walk much less skate.

Yuuri was dirty. He’s had sex before. Not Eros, though. Never Eros. There had been no love involved. Was it selfish for him to ask Viktor, his own fiancé to have sex with him when he was so tainted? But… Viktor made him believe in himself, made him feel worthy of being loved, and made him feel wanted. Not a burden for once. He wanted, no, needed Viktor to ravish him so thoroughly that he would forget  _his_ name and only think of his darling Viktor.

“I-I want to, Vitya,” Yuuri said haltingly, heart in his throat.

“Please take care of me,” he said.

“Make me forget,” he wanted to say.

“Of course,” Viktor replied with a bright smile.

He splayed his body out, legs spread in what he hoped was a successful attempt in making an enticing sight for Viktor to feast on.

He could see those eyes darken in lust and want because of him.

Viktor grabbed a bottle from the bedside drawer, eyes never leaving Yuuri as he did so.

He must have noticed that Yuuri was tense from anxiety and the memories he associated with sex, so Viktor kissed him tenderly until the tension melted from Yuuri, and he was left pliant.

He was lying limply, almost bonelessly in Viktor’s grasp.

“On your kness, love,” Viktor said, and Yuuri wanted to flinch.

He had been taken one too many times in this exact position. He shakily went into that familiar pose. He felt naked and vulnerable. He couldn’t see Viktor’s face filled with love.

A finger started to circle around his entrance before dipping in and stretching the rim slightly.

“Is this okay?” asked Viktor.

Yuuri nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He could not help, but think of the hurried preparation that the other did.

He felt another finger press against his hole then slide in and scissor. It had been a while since he had sex, and it burned a little as his walls stretched around the fingers to accommodate the intrusion.

When the third finger prodded inside, Yuuri let out a broken moan. His hole clenched with anxiety instead of excitement. His cock was only half-hard.

Viktor put the hand that wasn’t covered in lubricant at the small of Yuuri’s back, guiding him to turn over, so he did, glad to see Viktor’s face.

He almost sighed in relief at that.

“I think you’re ready to take me in,” Viktor commented as he thrust his fingers in again, and Yuuri mewled in pleasure.

Yuuri nodded then said, “I want to blow you first.”

He wanted to experience the connection of seeing your loved one’s face contort in pleasure as they trustingly let you devour the most intimate parts of them, knowing you’re the cause. He wanted to know because the last time his face was fucked. He could only leave it gaping, tears stinging his eyes as the other chased his own orgasm.

He bent down, bringing his face close to Viktor’s huge erection. His hot breath fanned across sensitive skin. He started by teasingly suckling on only the tip, making Viktor whine.

“Ahhh, Yuuri, so good,” he groaned.

“Please don’t tease.”

Yuuri didn’t and wasted no time in shoving it as far as he could in his mouth greedily, pacing himself. He started to caress the part he couldn’t take in and fondled the balls making Viktor moan at the action.

He drew back just as he sensed Viktor’s orgasm, pinching the tip.

“Yuuri?” Viktor whined out questioningly, pushing his hips out needily.

“No,” Yuuri breathed.

“I want you to come inside me, Vitya.”

Yuuri surprise himself and Viktor at that.

His other partner would always come inside him, bathing his insides with white, and he needed Viktor to wash away all traces of past touched even if they were technically already long gone.

“How do you want it love?” Viktor asked, lust and love in his expression. His face was so close to Yuuri’s that he could see the traces of green in those blue eyes even without his glasses on in order to help him see.

Yuuri bit his lip, deliberating. He had never been the one to take charge in his previous sexual encounters. He was honestly used to just lying there and taking whatever his partner gave him even if he didn’t want to midway through.

“I-I want to ride you, Vitya.”

He wanted to experience playing an active role during sex with someone he loved this time around.

Viktor’s pink lips formed an ‘o’ in pleasant surprise, and pink formed on his cheeks as he stared at Yuuri then nodded.

Yuuri bit his lip anxiously as he settled into Viktor’s lap, hovering. He only had mental ideas and pictures to guide him on what to do.

What if Viktor didn’t like it? What if Viktor didn’t enjoy it?

He’s never had a relationship like this. One where love was the focus. It was usually lust for the other and his desire for companionship and deep intimacy. It was never straight up love like this.

He flinched when Viktor caressed the stretch marks on his hips with was that a fond expression?

“You’re perfect,” said Viktor, and Yuuri was the one who kissed him this time.

How could he not when Viktor was staring at him with so much affection in the middle of what was supposedly a heated sex session? He much preferred this.

He steeled himself and gripped Viktor’s cock eliciting a gasp in response.

He took in a deep breath to pace himself then gasped as the tip entered his hole. He gripped Viktor’s toned shoulders as he did to brace himself. Pain briefly flared before pleasure flooded his senses as it that spot. He continued to sink until he bottomed out, and the entirety of Viktor’s penis was firmly lodged inside him.

“It-it doesn’t hurt for once,” he gasped out.

He didn’t notice how Viktor’s eyes narrowed at that statement then screwed shut as he rose and thrust down again, fully impaled by his dick.

“Yuuri,” Viktor cried out as he set a fast pace. His hands gripped Yuuri’s waist for further leverage and support as he bounced up and down.

The sound of skin slapping skin sounded in the room. Their moans, gasps, and pleasured noises mingled together.

“Viktor, Viktor,” Yuuri chanted as he could feel his orgasm building. Heat was flooding into his belly.

Viktor was the one who came first, thrusting up as Yuuri slid down.

He screamed his ecstasy, filling Yuuri’s insides and that triggered Yuuri’s own release.

Tears of pleasure streamed down his face as he voiced out his pleasure. He felt sated, complete with Viktor’s semen dripping out slightly while his cock was still inside him.

He rested his head against Viktor’s firm shoulder.

“I love you,” he mumbled.

Viktor planted a kiss on his damp head.

“I love you, too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter and a fill for Day 7: Positions for NSFW Victuuri Week. (Please ignore that it's a more than a week late. Thanks.)  
> [Talk to me on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ravingraven)

Yuuri was anxious.

Viktor and he hadn’t had sex since their first time a few weeks ago. Had his fears turned into reality? Perhaps, Viktor had not enjoyed it as much as Yuuri had. What if he had just pretended to like it as they laid in the afterglow of their love making? Yuuri knew he was bad at sex. His past lover always told him he was too tense, too passive in bed. He usually just tried to lay there limply and take it. He always cried during sex before. Tears would leak from his eyes and sometimes choked sobs would force their way out of his throat. His boyfriend didn’t like that.

_“God, shut up,” his boyfriend snapped, stilling the curled fingers inside his tense hole._

_More droplets streamed out at his words._

_“S-sorry,” Yuuri stuttered. Pain was flaring at his backside badly. The fingers had been dry when they entered him. He knew it was his fault. He was supposed to have stretched himself before they met. It just felt so wrong and awkward to fumble and finger himself in the shared bathroom with Phichit just meters away in their apartment. He thought the other would understand._

_He hadn’t._

_He bit his lip, trying to keep quiet as ordered. He had been successful so far until the fourth finger slipped in, and a sob was ripped from his throat._

_The fingers thrust out, and his breath hitched._

_“Don’t you want this?” his partner asked, unexpected concern lacing his voice._

_“You like it rough, right?”_

_“I-I,” he was stumbling across the syllables, not knowing what to say. Should he say he didn’t? That the other was the one who liked it rough, but wouldn’t he sound ungrateful?_

_Yuuri knew what he was. He didn’t know why the other stayed with him even if only for physical intimacy. He was unattractive. He had gained so much weight since his failure at the Grand Prix Final and National. Stretch marks littered his hips and stomach. He wasn’t a good partner. He was too anxious. At least, his lover would feel good if he let him to do what he wanted. At least, he would have some use. Maybe, he would even stay longer with him._

_He opened his mouth to squeak out a yes, but his throat seemed to have closed up, so he nodded instead. He buried his face further in the pillow, gripping it with clenched fists._

_The other started slow when he resumed. A hand caressed his plush hips softly._

_Yuuri closed his eyes._

_Maybe, he would enjoy it this time._

 

 

“Yuuri, we need to talk,” started Viktor, blue eyes alit with an emotion that Yuuri couldn’t quite place.

His heart beat faster. What did they need to talk about? Yuuri didn’t think it would be about skating since they just had had practice.

“Yes, Vitya,” he replied, sitting down at the edge of their shared bed beside his fiancé.

“I,” Viktor bit his lip and paused. The blue eye that wasn’t hidden by his silvery blond hair was blank in thought.

“Were you a virgin when we had sex?

“N-no,” Yuuri admitted, clenching his pants with his fists.

Had he tricked Viktor into thinking he was a virgin that first time in bed somehow or maybe, he was so bad at sex that Viktor thought he was completely inexperienced?

“I thought so,” murmured Viktor.

Yuuri felt a pang in his chest at that, but then Viktor drew him against his toned chest in an embrace. He was tense at the unexpected touch before melting in his  lover’s arms.

“Wha—,” he started but was cut off at the sensation of Viktor’s warm, soft lips on his cheek.

“My Yuuri,” said Viktor in such a tender voice filled with concern and affection that Yuuri felt tears gather at the corner of his eyes.

“Were you hurt before?”

Yuuri’s throat felt oddly closed up at those words. He let out a choked yes. That one word felt like it had been scraped out of his throat. He nodded, burying his face at the crook of Viktor’s neck.

Viktor was silent for a while. The soothing sensation of a hand smoothing of his hair quelled Yuuri’s anxiety a little.

“You don’t have to tell me now,” Viktor stated, breaking the silence hanging over the room.

“I’ll meet you where you are when you’re ready.”

Yuuri lifted his face at that, gazing at the sincere expression and warm blue eyes.

He cleared his throat while Viktor brushed his tears away with his thumb.

“No, it’s okay,” he said shakily.

“I’ll tell you.”

Viktor gripped him closer in a gesture of comfort.

“I-It was such a low point in my life. I failed the Grand Prix Final and my own nationals. I felt so lost, depressed.  I even stopped skating. I just craved for something to fill the void, and I got a lover. I just wanted a connection and some intimacy with someone.”

He chuckled self-depreciatingly.

“He wanted intimacy, but not the way I wanted. It was my fault. I let him take my v-virginity. We had sex even though, I didn’t want to. It’s not his fault. Not really. I always said yes. Never said no. I was just afraid. So afraid. That he would leave and find someone better than me. I knew it wouldn’t last. He-he left eventually, of course,” he trailed off.

“I’m selfish, Viktor. Honestly, I wanted you to wash away the memories of his touch when we had sex that night. I wanted you to  fuck me until I only remembered you inside me,” he said, a hint of a flush on his cheeks.

“But-but we haven’t had sex since that time. I’m so sorry if I was bad.”

Viktor took his face in his hands, eyes wide.

“Zolotse, you were amazing. And even if you weren’t, I wouldn’t mind. In fact, I’d love to explore your body and you mine until we both knew how to pleasure ourselves properly,” he said with a wink at the end.

“Really?’

“Yes, love. I love you so, so much. Tell me if I do something you don’t like. Don’t be pressured to do it with me. Please. I never want to hurt you. I’m content with you being close to me.”

Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears again.

“Vitya, I love you, too.”

 

They learn.

It takes Yuuri a while to say a flat out no when Viktor wants to try new things in the bedroom. In more than one disastrous occasion, a frantic and still hard Viktor would comfort Yuuri in the middle of sex. Viktor learns, too. He gets better at sensing if Yuuri was even the slightest bit uncomfortable with their intimacy, and they would stop and cuddle in bed until they fell asleep with Viktor usually cradling Yuuri protectively against his chest and Yuuri leaning into the warmth of his touch.

It gets better.

 

Viktor has created a monster. He is utterly wrecked.

How could he resist his vixen of a fiancé only wearing his boxers and one of Viktor’s overly large sweaters, coaxing him to be one with him against the wall right in their living room?

“Well,” said Yuuri coyly, batting his lashes playfully at him.

“Don’t you want to do me right here?” he asks seductively, head turned at him while he placed his palms on the wall.

The taunting wiggle of plush hips was what made Viktor snap.

He reverently held those his curves, staring at the beautiful bottom he was about to ravish.

“Vitya,” moaned out Yuuri when a tongue darted out to lick a stripe on his neck, and he felt a hand squeezing his pert cheeks. He shivered at the sensation of the butt plug nestled inside him shifted at the touch. His cock strained against the fabric of his boxers. Viktor slid them down impatiently. He shivered as air hit kissed his previously clothed skin.

Viktor suddenly made a strangled noise behind him.

“Wow,” he uttered softly.

“Yuuri, you prepared for this thoroughly, darling?”

“Hai, I want you so bad,” he replied sounding as if he was a little out of breath.

“I want you, too,” whispered Viktor against the shell of his red ear, grinding his own erection against him.

Yuuri shuddered, anticipating and arousal coursed through him. Viktor cupped his ass, lightly pushing against the plug lodged inside him.

“Going to take it out now and replace it with my cock,” Viktor said huskily.

“Yes please,” groaned Yuuri.

He felt strangely empty as Viktor slid it out, clenching around nothing. Yuuri could feel the lubricant trickling out of his hole and sliding down his legs. He felt a finger circle around his hole, and he pushed back to fuck himself on it.

He gritted his teeth. It still wasn’t enough. He needed more.

“Just put it in. I’m ready for you, Vitya…”

The finger slid away. Viktor’s hands slid down to firmly grab at his hips. He sighed in relief when he felt the now familiar hard length along the crack of his ass. He closed his eyes, bracing himself on the wall.

Viktor had taken his heated words to heart.

He went at it fast, hard, and dirty.

 Viktor slid his cock in, stretching his walls deliciously around the girth.  Their pleasured noises sounded around the room in unison.

Viktor wasted no time and started fucking inside and out when he bottomed out. Yuuri’s legs started to feel shaky when his prostrate was hit again and again and again.

Viktor knew his body so well, knew his sweet spots, and where to angle his cock just so. They had become attuned to each other’s bodies so well after taking the time to observe the ways they could take the other apart with bliss.

Yuuri’s hole was tight around Viktor but so, so wet. It was like a warm vice around him. Yuuri was matching the pace he set now. Both their  were fully in rhythm as they did on the ice. He could tell Yuuri was tethering on the edge of release so was Viktor. He would have gripped his fiancé’s cock or teased his nipples to further drive him to his impending orgasm, but his hands were occupied by holding thick hips littered with stretch marks. Utterly beautiful. Yuuri’s legs were starting to shake with strain and pleasure. He found it so, so hot that the other could come undone just from being taken by Viktor.

Yuuri came first, already riled up by having something inside him and from having his fantasy fulfilled. His cock spurted streams of white, coating his belly and the wall he was bracing against. Viktor followed shortly after, overwhelmed by the sensation Yuuri’s hole fluttering around him.

They caught their breath for a moment, reveling in the aftershocks of their orgasm with Viktor still inside Yuuri.

“Another round?” Yuuri seductively suggested after a while.

Viktor would not deny this man anything.

“Of course, zolotse.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> First, sorry. This is really delayed. Ao3 was down when I was about to post it, so I posted it on Tumblr first. I may add another chapter or not depending on the feedback just to tie it all together. I'll have to edit this chapter before adding another, though. Hope you liked it xD
> 
>  
> 
> [Talk to me on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ravingraven)


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